It’s no secret to anyone that knows me that I am a total spaz when it comes to bugs. I hate them. They freak me out and I go into total psycho mode over a house fly. Gross. Bugs are gross.
On my lunch break, I busied myself around the house shutting windows before the afternoon sun baked the apartment, and to turn the AC on for the afternoon. As I shut the kitchen window, I heard a buzz. I slammed the window down just in time. It was a big one, yellowjacket, caught between the screen and the window. No where to go. I was safe. That terror! How did it get in here? Buzzing about the house, taunting me with it’s deadly stinger. How dare it. Nuisance, rampaging bee!
I’ve gotten stung by a few bees in my time. It is not pleasant. I’m not allergic, but I have an unreasonable fear that one day I will randomly become allergic and die of anaphylactic shock. Recently, I’ve become concerned about what would happen if my poor cat got stung. Absolutely terrified. I suppose I could google it. Maybe Dinah would kill the bee. She’s got a few pounds on it, after all.
I came home from work, and the bee was twisted and broken, caught in the screen. Dead. Desperately trying to get out, between the tiny holes of the taught window screen. But it couldn’t. It was dead. For no reason other than my own fear – irrational fear of something so tiny, so basic. The bee was just trying to live its bee-life. A simple life of simple survival. Just buzzing around, pollinating the world, making honey. It just buzzed into the wrong house – wrong place, wrong time. But I killed it. I killed it because it was a bother to me, because I was scared the bee would behave “irrationally” (as if bees comprehend human rationality). I could’ve opened the screen, if I hadn’t been so irrationally scared of the nuisance bee. I could’ve managed the situation better – spared the bee’s life, so it didn’t have to die a horrible slow death caught in a screen, smelling the outside air, but not able to fly free.
I killed a bee yesterday, and I feel horrible about it.
**This post is dedicated to the NYS Department of Environmental Conservation, and those that fought, on NYS Animal Advocacy Day, to save (or at least better manage) the #AlbanyBear.**