I’ve alluded several times on here to the number of changes that have occurred in my life recently. One of the most gigantic is my relationship status. Not only am I in one, but I’m engaged. This is something many people, including me, my parents, several of my closest friends, didn’t really think would happen – ever, haha.
In 2011 I could have been described as “ferociously single.” I was single on purpose and with a mission in mind. I wanted to figure out why I repeatedly put myself into relationships where I was unhappy. Sometimes I knew a relationship would be unfulfilling before even beginning it, yet I would do it anyway. I needed a reality check. You’ve all been around someone at some point in time who complained about the same interactions happening over and over again with different people and you’ve walked away grumbling to yourself “hello, have you ever thought maybe YOU are the problem, not them?!?!” Well, I grumbled that to myself after my Dorothy Moment. This nonsense had to stop.
So, in 2011 I went on a year-long being-single bender. It was awesome, and so very very needed. I spent a lot of time with myself. And as a result, I found some things out about myself. Like: I can write, people occasionally like to read it, I can run half marathons, I am pretty awesome.
And that’s where I thought I’d be. I was convinced that I was going to live my life without any serious significant relationship outside of my close and treasured friendships and I was very okay with that. Yes, some nights I cuddled my cat and felt kind of lonely. But the next morning I’d wake up and talk with people and interact and have a social life and run some miles and life was dandy. I really liked being single. I was happy. I was happy being me, finally.
I was ferociously single.
And I liked it.
When 2012 came around, I told myself my year alone was over and I needed to entertain the possibility of meeting someone. I needed to be open to trying out how my “getting to know me” experiment worked. Well, we know how that ended up. **huge smiles**
I am happy beyond happy with my life right now. However, I will not entertain any nonsense that a woman must be in a relationship to be happy. Or that all women are looking for a partner. This “cat lady” syndrome of society has got to stop. There needs to stop being an expectation that women need to be with someone to be happy, to be complete, to be normal. Sure it worked out this way for me, but it might not have. I might have ended up single forever, I assumed that I would, and it was perfectly fine with me if it did. To remain ferociously single could’ve been the decision I made on 12/31/11, and society would have to accept that. People seriously need to stop putting these expectations on women. Single men get to be sexy, interesting bachelors and single women must wallow in self-pity as “old maids”??? Give me a break.
Am I happier now than I was last year? I don’t know that’s a fair question. My happiness is different now than it was before. But I wouldn’t have this happiness if I hadn’t found myself, alone, and the happiness that went with that, in 2011. I think it’s entirely possible for a woman to be completely happy in either scenario. And, to be frank, it’s my opinion that women who disagree, and think they do need a partner in order to find happiness, may actually need that “being single bender” more than they realize.